The biggest hurts we feel in life are often around our closest relationships.

Misunderstandings, unexpressed desires, differing values, or conflicting priorities can lead to hurt, rising tensions, and prolonged, painful conflicts. It’s sad when a gap emerges between people. The pain and exhaustion only increase if trust, goodwill, and warmth continue to erode over time.

So, what can we do when we are angry, disappointed, hurt, or distrustful? How can we start to thaw the tension? How can we improve communication in ways that increase intimacy and emotional connection?

Or, if it is time for a relationship to end, how can we create a peaceful and respectful parting of ways? If children are involved, how can we create effective and lasting agreements on co-parenting and child support?

How do we handle a longstanding family rift or fight over inheritance? How do we regain the possibility that family is a source of support and care?

You have choices.

You could continue in patterns of hurful or nonexistent communication. Yet ignoring relationship problems doesn’t make them go away. It just prolongs and deepens the hurt.

You could hire lawyers who will zealously take your side and try to fight and win your way out of the conflict. Yet in any situation where the relationship continues beyond the conclusion of the present matter, there’s no winning to be had. Everyone loses.

What’s the alternative? Mediation.

Mediation is essentially an informal, facilitated dialogue that takes place with the support of a person outside of the problem, which provides an opportunity for people to:

• Express honestly and be fully heard

• Re-connect and restore closeness

• Look at dynamics that are impacting communication, cooperation, and compassion

• Heal the pain between them and rebuild trust

• Reach agreements by consensus that meet the needs of everyone involved

• Resolve disputes quickly and economically

It may seem daunting to voluntarily pursue a dialogue when intense emotions are present. But unless effort is made towards understanding, the dynamic between people is unlikely to change in any meaningful way.

In addition, unless there’s understanding, any agreement or decisions that need to be made are unlikely to meet your needs or the other side’s needs. When an agreement doesn’t serve everyone’s interests or seems imposed, it’s not likely to last. Or if it lasts out of a sense of obligation or coercion, people’s lives are still impacted by tension and resentment.

Possible topics:

• Separation and divorce

• Parenting disputes

• Conflicts in romantic relationships

• Conflicts in blended families

• Conflicts between children and their parents

• Adult sibling conflicts

• Inheritance disputes

• Conflicts in friendships